Just for Today



I absolutely love my family and my life. I know I have so many blessings to be thankful for all around me. However, my life is chaotic and stressful and completely out of my control. I cannot control Ashley's sleeping, banging her head, biting herself, and not talking. I cannot control Josh's sleeping, and his ever increasing behavior and mood problems. I used to think "when things calm down...", now I know they are not going to calm down for me. Most days I can be positive and find the silver lining, but today I just can't. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to make myself positive and happy again. For today, I'm stressed and overwhelmed and I just don't know if I can do this. I think if I just had Ashley and autism, I could handle that. Or if I just had Josh and all his stuff, I could handle that. Or maybe if I was ridiculously wealthy and could hire people to take some of these responsibilities, I could manage all of it. But today I am exhausted and I'm pretty sure there is got to be someone else, anyone else, who is more competent than me, to raise these children. I love God, I believe in God and all the promises in the Bible, but I am really thinking today that he completely overestimated my ability to cope. I love my son so much, but I think he needs a much better mother than I will ever be qualified to be. I know my only choice is to go on and that is why I'm certain tomorrow has to be a better day.
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, Colossians 1:11  Originally posted April 2010