10 Best Decisions We Have Made Regarding Ashley and Autism

Life seems to be a constant decision making process. And nobody is more aware of that than parents. Before I became a mother, I never gave much thought to all the decisions parents have to make on a daily basis. There can be a lot of stress and pressure when you are making decisions that impact not only yourself, but also these little people that you love so much and just want to protect from, well, everything. Sometimes the answers are obvious, and sometimes not so much. There are always plenty of people around who seem to have opinions, but the masses are not always up to date on what is right for your child, and they are not stuck living with the end results. And when you have a child with special needs, the educational and medical decisions needing to be made can seem endless and critical. Do I vaccinate or not? When do I potty train? Should I try this new medicine, program, doctor, etc.? Ugh, by the end of some days, I’m so tired of making decisions, I don’t even want to decide simple things like what we’re having for dinner. Only time can tell whether we as parents make the right decisions for our children or not. Like all parents there are many times I regret a particular choice, and other times I’m certain I made a great choice. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what I would do differently and what choices I would make the same for Ashley, in regards to autism. Obviously, in a perfect world I would change things so she wouldn’t have to live with it at all. But if she has to live with autism, here are the best advantages I feel we have given her and would absolutely do for her again.

1. We gave her siblings. Now that was not really an active decision. They were here before we knew she had autism because we are crazy people that had several kids very close together. And if we had to actively make that choice with autism in the equation, I don’t know what we would have chosen. I know some people are afraid of producing another child with severe special needs, and so they choose not to have more children. I know other people just want to pour all their resources into that one child, whom they know is going to need much more than the average child. There are times I feel so torn between all the needs in our house, and I think if I just had one to concentrate on I could do so much more, and be a better Mom. But by having several children, it has prevented Ashley from getting too caught in her own world, and she handles chaos and transitions beautifully. And she is surrounded by a team of people who love her best of all. When I die, she will still be loved best of all, of this I am certain.
2. We got her talker. By far, hands down, the best decision we ever made was getting Ashley her communication device. It opened up a whole world to her, and will allow her opportunities she wouldn’t otherwise have. If she has to be nonverbal, this is the absolute best substitute to speaking.
3. We take her to church. It is flat out painful to sit in church with her, and it would be so much easier to just stay home. It took us a long time to find a church that fits her needs, but we have, and she is treated with so much love and acceptance.
4. We home schooled her. We started having problems with the school when Ashley was 6 years old, we pulled her (and siblings) out and home schooled her for almost 4 years. It was exhausting and tedious, but also an excellent time for us to bond as a family. I wouldn’t give those years up for anything.
5. When the time was right, we put her back in public school. We knew we had to give her more adults in her life that she could trust. It has not been an easy road, but we know it was the right thing to do. She is gaining more independence, and her circle of people has continued to widen.
6. We incorporate Ashley into our lives, if the other kids have a program or sporting event, Ashley attends it with our family. Ashley is out in the community a great deal, and that has really helped her to learn and engage in the world around her. That is not to say, we don’t sometimes choose to stay home from an event, but for the most part she is required to participate.
7. When Ashley was little we set up an ABA program that combined some hours at home and some hours at school. In our little town, there are not trained therapists available. So we coordinated with her school and teachers, all of us got trained, and we hired a para to come to our house. Ashley had a consistent 7 day a week program. It cost a lot of money, time, and energy, but she improved so much, it was well worth it.
8. We have worked tirelessly to provide an excellent team of medical professionals that attend to Ashley’s medical needs. It has not been easy, and I have spent many hours driving all over the state. But she has a great group of doctors that we trust. They work really hard to help us and Ashley.
9. We have educated ourselves on all the services available to help Ashley and us. We then have chosen which services will benefit her and sought them out for her.
10. We sent Ashley (and siblings) to Camp Barnabas. It was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done to leave my little girl in the care of strangers for a week, but it was so good for all of us. Jason and I got a much needed break. Hailey and Josh had an amazing time at a camp that would not be available to them if they didn’t have Ashley in their lives. Ashley learned that other people can take care of her.

There are many other decisions we have made over the years that we are so glad we did. I think the most important things any parent can do is to follow their heart, always advocate and fight for their child, set a good example, and never give up the hope and love they have for their child Like us on Facebook Originally February 2012