Just A Thought on School Shootings

I have seen quite a bit of discussion on the internet and through the media about the school shooting in Connecticut. I have heard most people blaming gun laws and the parents, and just a handful of people have brought up the mental health factor. The truth is none of us can know for certain the factors that led up to the events of last Friday morning. Maybe his parents really did a terrible job of raising him, or they did not get him the treatment he needed. Or maybe it was just the easy access to the guns, and if the guns had been unavailable, nothing would have occurred. Personally, I seriously doubt any of these scenarios. I think the majority of society is very unaware of how difficult it is to live with a loved one who has mental illness or any type of special needs for that matter. And how painstakingly difficult it is to get any type of help for said loved one. I am a parent of special needs children. I am a person who has listened to and heard stories from other people all over the country who have children with special needs. In 10 years, I have never once heard anyone say that they easily received support and services for their child. I have heard many stories of people seeking help for years only to be largely ignored, misled in options, or not given any viable options. More often than not, if you believe your child needs help, you are looking at waiting months, even years to get into a doctor just to start the process. And that is only the beginning, next you have to have them believe you that a problem exists, and then try to get services and support, not only from doctors and therapists, but also from the schools. All of those people have to be in agreement for anything to really happen. You find yourself battling the very people who are supposed to be there to help you. All of this is happening while that parent is living under excruciatingly stressful and exhausting circumstances, for years on end. It is an unending, lonely, heartbreaking experience. I cannot imagine any loving parent living with someone who is that unstable, and not seeing serious warning signs. And if that loving parent is living with these circumstances, I would bet they sought help at some point, on some level. And I would also bet that our current system only helped at a minimum, or actually made the problems worse for that family. This may sound harsh to say, but we live in a pretty self-absorbed society, where, for the most part, people only really pay attention to the needs of others when those needs affect them or when they can relate to those needs on some personal level. As long as those parents are able to keep the stress and chaos confined within their home, nobody really understands or cares. However, when the problem affects society at large then suddenly something needs to be done. Unfortunately, by then it is way too late. The problem should have been looked at years earlier, when that family first started looking for help. I do not mean this to take away from the victims in the Connecticut shooting, or any victim of a crime. What occurred was devastating, and should never have happened. It is heartbreaking that so many people are being impacted by one person’s mental illness. We cannot go back and change what has already happened. However, we can try to prevent such tragedies in the future. I doubt changing gun laws or blaming parents will alter anything. But I know looking at the services and supports people with mental illness receive would make a difference. I am certain many crimes and tragedies would be prevented. So if you are a parent with healthy, happy children, I hope you see what a blessing that is. But look beyond your family to the families around you, look and listen. You may see families that you believe aren’t parenting effectively. You may see families that look like they have it altogether, but really don’t. Some of those families may be begging for some help. Other families are very quiet about their struggle because they are embarrassed or have learned that no one really understands or cares. Be aware that some families are struggling; maybe you can be of some help. Those families deserve our attention and concern. As a society, we need to stop looking at the gun or the parents, and look at the person who is mentally ill. We need to provide help and services to that family, so they never get to the point where they cause such destruction. Like Created In His Image on Facebook originally posted December 2012