Monday, I lost my child. I am surrounded by many kind people who disagree with me, and say it wasn’t my fault. But there was only the two of us present, me and Ashley, my daughter with severe autism. She is non-verbal and has no understanding of the world around her, so obviously she is not to blame. That only leaves me.
She was out of school for the day; my other two children still had school. I decided to go downstairs to vacuum. She is perfectly safe in our home as long as the front door is locked. Usually if she needs something, she comes to me. In my defense, I do have to occasionally do other things besides stare at her. I was down there awhile, probably 30 minutes. When I came upstairs the front door was wide open, and I knew immediately she was gone. I ran outside and looked in all directions, no sign of her. So I came inside, searched the house and grabbed my phone. At this point, I was in a full panic. Remember, she is a COMPLETELY DEFENSELESS 12 year old, who has no understanding of traffic or danger, and can’t speak. I called my husband as I was running to her school 2 blocks away from our house. All I said to him was, “She’s gone! I can’t find her.” He picked me up on my way back from the school, a couple of minutes later. We drove around the neighborhood surrounding our house, while I called the police to report her missing. Then we drove down the side streets near our house. We questioned a couple people in their yard. A man we knew said he was looking for her. We saw a house with the front door open, so we searched it (we know the people who live there). Now the scary thing is she will not answer, or even necessarily come when we call her name. We talked to a few more people, and then I went home, and searched our house again. I was just about to text all my contacts, when one of my closest friends called to asked if Ashley was missing. She heard 2 women discussing a missing girl at the convenience store, and realized from their description it had to be Ashley. She immediately called several of our close friends, and they all came to help. In the meantime, the police told me to stay home, in case she returned. An officer was also searching my house, just in case she was hiding. One of my good friends arrived, right as my husband called to say he found her coming out of a house about 4 blocks from our house. By the time we walked her home, 4 of my close friends, who dropped everything to look, were waiting at our house. In all, Ashley was gone about 45 minutes that I am aware of, but I’m not sure when she left, so it could have been over an hour in total. SCARIEST HOUR OF MY LIFE. She has wandered away before (unfortunately), but we have always found her within minutes, and never had to call the police. I am so thankful she is home safe. We do know the owners of the home she wandered into, and they say she didn’t do any damage (another Ashley risk). She did eat a bottle of children’s chewable vitamins; she still had a handful of them when she was found. The people were very nice about her breaking into their home. Of course, we are not sure how many other homes she entered along the way. Luckily, we live in a small town, so a lot of people know her. Even the police officer sent to our house, goes to church with us and knew her. So many people (even complete strangers) dropped everything to look for her. We are so blessed to live in a great community, and have really good friends. My husband even commented, “Your girls were here fast!” Yes, they are amazing! As soon as I got her in the house, she unlocked the door and walked out again, right in front of me. It is usually not good when she learns something new, then we have to scramble to get one step ahead of her! I put a magnetic alarm on the door that chimes when it is opened. Then when Jason got home, he turned the deadbolt around so the exterior part is inside our house. We are more concerned about keeping her in, than keeping others out of our house. It is just a temporary solution, until we can make a permanent change.
But regardless of any of this. Ashley is my child, under my supervision, and she was wandering the street alone and in danger. I lost my child. And sadly, I know we will have other scary, dangerous emergencies in the future. Because no matter how hard we try it is impossible to watch someone, who is awake 18 hours a day, constantly for an entire lifetime. We will do everything in our power to keep her safe. We will put new locks, and hopefully one day, as money allows, other safety measures will be put in effect as well. I know this is part of caring for someone with severe special needs; they put themselves in danger all the time. It is stressful and exhausting. I pray to God to help us, and keep her safe every day. We will do our best, but I’mcertain that can’t possibly be good enough. Because, I lost my child.
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Originally posted February 2012
Monday, I lost my child. I am surrounded by many kind people who disagree with me, and say it wasn’t my fault. But there was only the two of us present, me and Ashley, my daughter with severe autism. She is non-verbal and has no understanding of the world around her, so obviously she is not to blame. That only leaves me.
She was out of school for the day; my other two children still had school. I decided to go downstairs to vacuum. She is perfectly safe in our home as long as the front door is locked. Usually if she needs something, she comes to me. In my defense, I do have to occasionally do other things besides stare at her. I was down there awhile, probably 30 minutes. When I came upstairs the front door was wide open, and I knew immediately she was gone. I ran outside and looked in all directions, no sign of her. So I came inside, searched the house and grabbed my phone. At this point, I was in a full panic. Remember, she is a COMPLETELY DEFENSELESS 12 year old, who has no understanding of traffic or danger, and can’t speak. I called my husband as I was running to her school 2 blocks away from our house. All I said to him was, “She’s gone! I can’t find her.” He picked me up on my way back from the school, a couple of minutes later. We drove around the neighborhood surrounding our house, while I called the police to report her missing. Then we drove down the side streets near our house. We questioned a couple people in their yard. A man we knew said he was looking for her. We saw a house with the front door open, so we searched it (we know the people who live there). Now the scary thing is she will not answer, or even necessarily come when we call her name. We talked to a few more people, and then I went home, and searched our house again. I was just about to text all my contacts, when one of my closest friends called to asked if Ashley was missing. She heard 2 women discussing a missing girl at the convenience store, and realized from their description it had to be Ashley. She immediately called several of our close friends, and they all came to help. In the meantime, the police told me to stay home, in case she returned. An officer was also searching my house, just in case she was hiding. One of my good friends arrived, right as my husband called to say he found her coming out of a house about 4 blocks from our house. By the time we walked her home, 4 of my close friends, who dropped everything to look, were waiting at our house. In all, Ashley was gone about 45 minutes that I am aware of, but I’m not sure when she left, so it could have been over an hour in total. SCARIEST HOUR OF MY LIFE. She has wandered away before (unfortunately), but we have always found her within minutes, and never had to call the police. I am so thankful she is home safe. We do know the owners of the home she wandered into, and they say she didn’t do any damage (another Ashley risk). She did eat a bottle of children’s chewable vitamins; she still had a handful of them when she was found. The people were very nice about her breaking into their home. Of course, we are not sure how many other homes she entered along the way. Luckily, we live in a small town, so a lot of people know her. Even the police officer sent to our house, goes to church with us and knew her. So many people (even complete strangers) dropped everything to look for her. We are so blessed to live in a great community, and have really good friends. My husband even commented, “Your girls were here fast!” Yes, they are amazing! As soon as I got her in the house, she unlocked the door and walked out again, right in front of me. It is usually not good when she learns something new, then we have to scramble to get one step ahead of her! I put a magnetic alarm on the door that chimes when it is opened. Then when Jason got home, he turned the deadbolt around so the exterior part is inside our house. We are more concerned about keeping her in, than keeping others out of our house. It is just a temporary solution, until we can make a permanent change.
But regardless of any of this. Ashley is my child, under my supervision, and she was wandering the street alone and in danger. I lost my child. And sadly, I know we will have other scary, dangerous emergencies in the future. Because no matter how hard we try it is impossible to watch someone, who is awake 18 hours a day, constantly for an entire lifetime. We will do everything in our power to keep her safe. We will put new locks, and hopefully one day, as money allows, other safety measures will be put in effect as well. I know this is part of caring for someone with severe special needs; they put themselves in danger all the time. It is stressful and exhausting. I pray to God to help us, and keep her safe every day. We will do our best, but I’mcertain that can’t possibly be good enough. Because, I lost my child. Like us on Facebook
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