Josh Shows Self-control

Josh tends to get in a lot of fights with other kids. I’m not sure exactly why he is so aggressive, neither Jason nor I were fighters as children, or adults for that matter. Be that as it may, I can’t even count how many times Josh has come running into the house all upset because either he hit, pushed, or kicked someone, or they did something to him. In his defense, he usually has been provoked into the fight. He is very explosive, and the other kids like to watch him explode and get in trouble. But we still have spent years trying to get him to understand, just because someone says something mean doesn’t give him the right to hit. Or if someone starts a fight, he needs to just walk away from them. It seems to be a hard lesson for someone with very little self-control, and we have many out of control kids in our neighborhood, which makes it harder. I know that a lot of times he is wrong, but it is still hard to watch my son struggling so much with other kids. So Sunday, Josh came running into the house with one of his friends, and said, Boy A hit me in the face with a chain, and then I grabbed the chain, threw it down on the ground, and accidentally hit his little brother. I asked all the appropriate questions – What did you do or say first? Why would he hit you? What led up to this? He and his friend maintained, Josh did nothing, and the other kid hit him completely unprovoked. Next thing we know, some kids ring the doorbell, and say we need to see Josh. I asked why. They responded because the little brother is crying. Great! Then a neighbor mom, whose yard it all occurred in, came over to tell me Josh can’t play in their yard for a while, since he can’t get along. At this point, there are 3 bystander kids, right with us, listening to the discussion. All of the kids stood up for Josh, and said that it was completely unprovoked, and Josh did nothing wrong. One girl even said that Josh said, “I don’t want to fight, let’s not be mean to each other." Then Boy A took a chain attached to a stick, and hit Josh in the face. Next Josh grabbed the chain/stick, broke the stick, and then threw it down on the ground. At which point, it bounced, and hit the brother. The neighbor mom said, “Oh, well then I need to go tell the other boys to go home.” Later, she came back, and talked to me again. While we were talking, the girl brought us what was left of the chain/stick. It was quite a weapon. The neighbor mom went back to talk to the family, since it all happened on her property. I have waited so long for Josh to be the innocent victim, who did not retaliate. He has been the bully many times (never has he caused an injury though). He has also been bullied many times, yet he always goes down fighting, which makes it hard to clearly see who was right and who was wrong. But for that day, it was clear to everyone- Josh was right, and the other boy was wrong from beginning to end. And I find that so satisfying. Maybe Josh is finally learning to walk away from a fight. Originally posted March 2012